Entries from February 2009 ↓

It’s finally over and it’s getting warmer up here in scandinavia.

There’s more light to each day, that’s good. Not many suicidal thoughts left anymore.

It’s almost time to go skiing with the semi-warm winter weather and the sun shining, my parents invited me to a place later in march. Should be fun, it’s been a while since I did the slalom thing (is that an english word or just swedish?), and of course I am bringing my girlfriend, otherwise I’d have to bring books or something.

Pokerwise I got in about 22-23,000 hands this month. That’s pretty weak for me but I can never seem to get in too many hands.

My average is probably around 30,000 hands the last 5 years I’ve been playing. Everytime I try and play more than that, say 45,000 hands, the next month I feel semi burned out. I don’t understand how players like Leatherass do it and get in 100,000+ hands a month consistently.

They must love poker more than I do. I feel kind of sick of poker but I still play, feel kind of forced to. I’d rather play poker than start studying something I don’t want to study, or work somewhere where I have to work 8 hours a day. That’s 30% of my day!

Play poker 2 hours a day, yes thank you.

Then again, there’s no rush. Why force yourself to play if you aren’t in dire need of money? I know many players think that online poker will die and they have to play as many hands now as they can, and I can relate to that, I’m trying to get away from that kind of thinking.

I don’t want to burn myself out grinding more hands than I want to grind. If I make $5k, $10k, $15k doesn’t make a big difference in my life right now. I’m not after big material wealth, although making lots of money would certainly not be harmful, it’s not completely necessary either.

Then again, I could just be trying to rationalize my slacking, slacking is good for you

Check this out, hilarious…

Have you noticed how easily your happiness level is disturbed?

If I’m not consciously aware of it one single thing can catapult me into world sucks mode, and it sucks.

Today I’ve been trying to be more aware and it’s been going well. I’ve been listening to “Don’t worry, Be happy” for a few hours.

If you think about it logically, there is no benefit to being pissed off and angry. Except the good feeling of feeling bad about yourself, you all know what I mean.

I’m trying to learn how to become less fazed by all these things. I guess that’s what the meditators, buddhists and those guys are after.

Feeling inner joy despite bad external circumstances. I am beginning to see it as a more and more worthy goal to strive for.

Things will change in this life.

Life will go in cycles, ups and downs, diagonal and horizontal, who knows?!

If you’re happy/joyous/content then basically you are setting yourself up for good stuff. You see opportunities better when you’re happy.

You find more solutions when you’re happy. You meet cool people when you’re happy. People become happy because you are happy.

Happy, happy, happy.

I am trying to logically become the dude who is content, but it probably doesn’t work that way.

I’ve been meditating on and off since I was 16 so that has helped some. Yoga is awesome too. And martial arts!

Still I sometimes go into these cycles where I just get into a depressive mode by the smallest thing, and it sucks!

I’ve been playing online poker for almost 5 years. Sometimes I just really have to force myself to play.

So yesterday I really felt the force, my mind was saying that I have to play. Make more money now or you’ll be broke in the future.

I just thought okay, I’m not playing. I always have these fun games with my mind where I notice it saying something ridiculous and I instantly object.

For example, if I have to take out the garbe and hear “Maybe later, I can do other stuff now” in the back of my head”. That instantly triggers my alarm bell. I then force myself to take out the garbage right away just to show my mind who’s boss.

That’s what I’m doing now. Protesting vs. my mind and it’s ridiculous fears and beliefs of needing more money all the time.

I’ve always been a fan of living simply. I don’t know why but I just like to really cut my expenses. I have no qualms about buying an apartment because that’s an investment, and a sound one.

But buying a nice car, TVs, watches, unnecessary subscriptions, eating out all the time and those kind of things I just avoid.

I’m not like most when it comes to these things but I like it

Tomorrow I’m heading to some Aikido seminar deep in Finnish terroritory. We shall be what comes of it.

I have to wake up at 4AM so that’s already a bad start.

See you guys next week. Keep protesting your minds!

Been working alot on my website. I wrote two articles, one on US Poker Sites and one on the Pros and Cons of Gambling (in my experience).

On the poker side I did well today, started off in the red but climbed up to finish the day up 2.4 buyins or so.

On the food side, the missus is making pancakes which I am looking forward to with great delight!!!

I saw Body of Lies yesterday. I’m going to give it about 6.8/10, it was good but not great. Worth watching though if you’re bored.

No poker strategy today! You’ll find tons to read at my other website meanwhile

Ship the ships…

P.S. I’m thinking about starting some PLO (a.k.a Omaha High Poker) but I’m too lazy. And the swings scare me, I’ve always been a big fan of winning consistently.